Clients often ask me if I switch or bottom. It’s weird to me how much of a stigma that carries in the realm of prodomination. So many men say they seek submission/surrender because they are so alpha/dominant/in control in their non-scene life, they seek a Dominant for balance. Why aren’t ProDominas afforded the same concession? Truth is, I don’t sub. I’m not good at it at all. I don’t think there’s submissive bone in my body. Even when I bottom for stuff — primarily implement-driven corporal — I’m really awful. “No, you can’t tie me down.” “You’re putting too much attention on my right shoulder.” “Vary the strokes a bit more.” “Can you switch to the single tail now?” “No! Stop. Let me breathe for a minute.”
I would hate topping me. (SS, SM, and MB: thank you for braving it.)
Lately, my preferred way to bottom has been for “hit by a Mack truck” drive-by beatdowns. I’ve done this twice: once at Black Rose, most recently at Shibaricon. In both cases I found the biggest, burliest guy I could find to initiate a surprise attack. Size is important: I gotta be able to fight back as hard as I can without worrying if I’ll hurt the guy (I’m not trained in rough play so I don’t really know how to attack safely.) I was flipped up, turned over, lifted by my elbow, thrown to the ground, bit, stomped on, tortured with pressure points, twisted, tossed, and once choked out to brief unconsciousness. Like a kinky rollercoaster ride. Evidently terrified some of the folks around me with all my screamin’ and hollerin’ but for me it was FUNNNN!
I don’t get a sexual thrill, per se, from this rough play. It’s more just a feeling of freefall and complete lack of control for that five or ten minutes. I love the challenge of seeing how much I can take. I love how strong I feel when it’s over. Such adrenaline. RAWRRRR!
Rough sex…actually very rough sex…I have some experience with that. It can be a pretty amazing feeling afterward, no question about that.
I only have the most limited experience with dominant women wanting to fight. This was a woman who was very much used to men “taking it” and who somehow managed to convince herself that she was actually capable of fighting (bar fighting) on equal terms. I said I didn’t want to do it. She kept insisting. OK. I’m not a CQC expert by any means, certainly not in the way some guys are capable in that area. I prefer to not get that close to people as an aggressor. I’m so literal, so real life.
She wanted to fight, really fight, and to win. In my heart, I was worried about some primal thing kicking in and would I be able to hold back appropriately and not end up ripping out her throat or something fatally drastic like that. I could have pretended, I suppose. She specifically stated she didn’t want that. And pretending and role playing ain’t me anyway (not that there is anything wrong with it).
To make a story that is already too long, a tiny bit shorter. I didn’t hurt her but I also didn’t let her win. After the third time I had gotten her down on the ground by grabbing her hair, yanking it down to the floor, stepping on it, and standing over her, she complained that I wasn’t fighting “fair”.
I replied, still immobilizing her by standing (it was the best way I could think of to truly immobilize her without really hurting her or getting hurt myself) on her hair, that nobody in their right mind ever seeks out a fair fight and that fair fights were for dead people. I wish I hadn’t said that.
I could have and should have been more diplomatic. I’d been trained and had it ingrained in me to never initiate aggression unless….yada yada yada.
The way you are going about this seems like a way to maximize, really maximize, the gratification you seek and, somehow, at the same time minimize the chance of the guy or yourself getting seriously injured. Sounds great, sounds hot, sounds extreme in a good way.
One of the (many) things that finally put me off MaxFisch was the serial nature of certain topics. The whole deal about it being scandalous that Mistresses were once or continue to be bottoms or that a Mistress is some guy’s submissive got really old. People are entitled to their preferences, no problem. If the thought that your Mistress is some balding dude’s bitch doesn’t make your putter flutter, fine.
There are other things more important to me than that. In fact that is not important to me at all.
The reason there’s a stigma behind ProDominas who are submissive in their personal lives?
Hmmm. I have a feeling that many clients like to think that they might somehow have a chance at a relationship with a prodomina. Even if that relationship is just casual.
If I were to ever pay for a session with someone and then find out that she’s only submissive in her personal life, it would just hammer home the fact that it was all for me and it really had nothing to do with pleasing her.
Hmm I have so much more to say on the subject but I just woke up and haven’t had coffee yet. Still, it’s hot that you top from the bottom.
@garrett
The not fighting “fair” thing is what makes this fun for me. I mean, I figure he’s got the physical advantage, and the technical advantage, so then I can fight as dirty as I like. The way I “win” in these encounters, my goal, in fact, is merely to get a good tag to his nuts.
@axe
What if she’s a switch and she Tops professionally, because that’s safer, more satisfying, and she bottoms personally because she has a partner that she really enjoys that role with? I think this whole “either/or” thing some of you guys get looped in is really unproductive. There are so many experiences and sensations I love and while I don’t classify myself as a switch or sub, there’s no way I’m gonna say, “Oh, no, I can’t do ___ cause I’m a Top/Domme.” Puh-leeze.
I’ll give you a chance to drink your coffee but when you come back, you better come back strong, babe. 😉
Good point.
Dang. Just once I’d like to win an argument with you.
You
I would love to see you topped, because I think there’s an honesty a person has when they reach their pain threshold that is unlike any other honesty. Plus, because I’m a girl and I’m competitive and curious, I’d wonder if I could take more 😉