As a community, we´re all pretty shaken by the recent tragedy at The Nutcracker Suite/Nutcracker AfterHours. Several of my colleagues have emailed me: in Barcelona, sans laptop, and no NYPosts in sight, I thank them for letting me know.
One of the more frustrating aspects of this incident is the obvious misjudgments of the House, Mistress, and client that led to the client´s coma. According to news reports, the client, a regular at the house, was hooded and put in standing bondage, held up by a collar around his neck, fixed to an anchor point in the ceiling and left alone by the Mistress, who would come in to check on him every 20 minutes or so. He was in high heels as well– when his foot slipped out, he was effectively hung by his collar, cutting off blood supply to his brain. When the Mistress came in to check on him, she noticed his foot was turning blue.
As fascinated as I am by abandonment play — and there are many professional dominants who practice this edge play, not to mention other forms of edge play such as asphyxiation, expertly and safely — there are some fundamental safety issues that should be addressed well before anyone, Top or bottom, engage in it. Victoria X addresses some of these issues in her blog, here. Mistress Yin also gives some good advice on how to tell if your Top has competency in risk-aware play.
In a way, those of us who take bondage as a serious part of our practice, who attend bondage conferences and workshops, we get the information on how to do edge play safely. We´re taught about the Swiss seat harness as a fundamental starting point for safe suspension bondage. We´re taught about risks inherent to certain ties, how to counter those risks, when to cut rope. We learn under what conditions a client may be left ¨alone.¨
Most ProDommes, however, don´t get that kind of in-depth education. How many times have I heard about Mistresses whose ´training´consisted of ¨These are wrist cuffs, these are ankle cuffs. This is a dildo and here´s how you put on the harness. It´s not rocket science, honey.¨ And, y´know, maybe strap-on play isn´t. But what happens when you decide you want to do a little rope bondage and the same cavalier attitude applies?
Unfortunately, there´s such a competitive atmosphere in the BDSM community that pushes many of us into play that´s far beyond our abilities or ability to control/do safely. I´ve had clients on many occasions ask for certain kinds of scenes that I felt I could´nt safely execute and therefore refused. Not everyone can make that choice. This coma-bound client was a House regular: did management, who knew his scene, make sure the Mistresses he sessioned with were capable? Did the Mistress feel comfortable with the scene, or did she figure that since everyone else was so nonchalant about what he liked to do (“He likes bondage. He just stays there for hours,” said one club employee. ) she ought to be as well? Did the client, who presumably had enough experience in his scene, take the time to talk with the Mistress about how to avoid risks or did he think that would be ¨topping from the bottom¨?
….
I´m a big fan of workshops and have privately hosted several, particularly on edge play activities such as cutting, piercing, fire play, extended bondage, and suspension, all taught by experienced, practicing professional dominants considered experts in these areas. If you´re a working ProDomme and you´re interested in learning how to do ANY kind of play — edge or otherwise — safely, please email me at MissOrleans AT gmail and I´ll help you find a resource in your area or I´ll have you over to my studio for a tutorial.
And when I get back from Barcelona, I´ll be looking into organizing a private Red Cross workshop for ProDommes to get us all refreshed and/or schooled on what to do should something go wrong. Email me if you want in.
…
Barcelona, by the way, is lovely. I´m having ¨live here for a month or two¨fantasies. It´s that good. Thanks to MB for making it possible … and for taking that whipping.
You are exactly right. Well, well said.I think a stint cooling her heels in Rikers will show this “domina”the error in her ways.
I believe that everyone bears a measure of responsibility for this tragic incident. I don´t believe this was a criminally negligent act. As players — Top and bottom alike — we have to take responsibility for our scenes. That means I don´t take on scenes I know I´m not capable of seeing through safely and that clients shouldn´t entrust themselves to Mistresses who may not know what they´re doing. The most talented Dominants and experienced clients I admire know and respect their own limitations. They also have respect for the risks inherent to ALL play and don´t take their responsibility lightly.
It doesn´t seem that the Mistress responsible for this scene evaluated its risks seriously, otherwise she wouldn´t have left the room for such extended periods. Moreover, the client should have enough experience to know that ¨noose¨ bondage doesn´t go work with abandonment and suggested the Mistress devise a different predicament. Lastly, I can´t imagine that the Mistress didn´t talk about her rigging to the other staffers when she stepped out of the room. *Someone* should have recognized this was a faulty set up and said something.
Tellingly? Nutcracker used to have a veteran Mistress come in to train the new recruits. It´s my understanding management had phased out her position (i.e. told her they couldn´t afford to have her come in anymore)a little less than a year ago. Right around the time this Mistress was hired.
There´s been an update to the story:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2008/02/12/2008-02-12_victim_of_nearfatal_sex_play_at_bondage_.html
The comments in the Daily News articles are totally ridiculous: “Guantanamo for sexual deviants…Abu Ghraib in Manhattan” – are they kidding??
However, your point it absolutely correct – don’t get involved with dangerous things you don’t understand too well.
As it is there are too many part to this story that I still don’t get – as in, the guy couldn’t scream when he lost his footing? Not that it makes it any better or less sad for all involved.
Hey Troy-
They look all the posts of Max, so I thought I’d chime in here (I love your blog, by the way). Something that I haven’t seen anyone talk about is the fact that the domme might have thought that what she was doing was o.k. I think that it is easy for dommes, especially if they are kind of isolated from the rest of the scene, to believe whatever it is that the other dommes/management tells them. If management said that the client usually does x,y,and z and to scoot in there and give ’em what he wants, she might not question it. She may have felt that if she was told to do something, then of course it would be safe and everything would be cool.
I hope that she doesn’t get charged with anything (and, to be honest, I don’t think that will happen) and that the community can take a few lessons from this guy’s horrific experience.
C in Chicago
First and most important: the guy is OK!!! Hallelujah!
Second, and again important: the client reportedly paid 100$/hr. Is that a standard session price in NYC? If yes, I am getting taken advantage of…:-))) If not, he paid far less than normal session price on the basis that “he didn’t require a full-time Mistress”. That is the foundation of the trouble, ’cause who would accept that except a beginner Domme who needs the cash and is willing to compromise…
C in Chicago,
It wouldn´t surprise me if the domme didn´t realize she was doing anything wrong. My sources tell me that everyone at Nut knew this guy and what he was into. Supposedly he even brought his own restraints (what does that say about Nut´s gear, I dunno). And I know sometimes Houses can take ´regulars´for granted in a way. He was probably the ¨Tie him up and leave him¨ guy. That´s his scene, that´s what you do and don´t think much else about it. I think the big fuck up here is just you don´t tie off parts that can´t hang on their own to overhead points. She didn´t know that — possibly cause it wasn´t part of his house nickname — and it nearly cost him his life.
cyka, Some people just know what sensational thing to say that´ll get ém quoted in the paper. Either that or the reporter put words into his mouth. It happens.
Philber asked elsewhere why didn´t the guy shout out. It´s a good question. He was hooded, as I understand it, so things may have been muffled. And I´m guessing the door was shut. The way Nut´s arranged, it´s possible he was in a room that wasn´t really within earshot of the lounge area. Or maybe he was normally a grunter/moaner so they heard some muffled noises and assumed dude was having a good time.
philber, The $100/hr was possibly a combination of a couple of things. One. it´s Nut AfterHours, which charges a little less than day sessions. Two, he was probably doing an extended scene (¨leave him like that for hours¨ was the partial quote, I think) and got some sort of volume discount.
But you´re not quite on point with the bit about a domme who needs the money. You´re talking about a House dynamic, not a Mistress one. Mistresses at houses do not negotiate their tribute and, often not even their scenes, for that matter. House management is the one who signed off on ¨give us $100/hr and you´ll get your scene¨ probably with the idea that the Mistress might even be able to run another 1/2 hr session while his was going on.
I hate to say ¨You get what you pay for¨but when you´re talking about edge play, do you really want to bargain shop?
Miss Orleans,
I take your point on House dynamics, but IMHO it does not change matters. Fact is, apparently, that the guy paid 100$/h. Even for a long session, that is an ultra-low price.
So, one way or another, the Domme accepted a very low remuneration. I can’t see a high-level Mistress accepting that happily. If it was, as you suggest, a Nut deal, then a Mistress who doesn’t like the paltry deals she is offered just walks. And if she is high-level, she can make better arrangements elsewhere. Which brings us back to my opinion that mistresses who take such low rewards are not the best.
It´s a little apples and oranges here, philber. Because one ¨needs the money¨ doesn´t necessarily mean she is not a ¨top level domme.¨ I´ve known plenty of very talented, skilled Dommes who´ve accepted sessions at below their usual fees or working on trade in order to finance/support certain ventures. More to the point, when I was starting out, it was not unusual for me to take sessions for little or no Tribute in hopes of gaining experience in a particular area of play interest, or networking/good will, or what have you.
Actually, I´ll still do that. (A recent visitor comes to mind.)
So it´s entirely plausible this young woman, eight months in, had heard about this client who likes advanced play and is a regular. This was her shot. Maybe she was hoping by giving him a mind blowing session, doing something unusual and risky, she´d capture his attention, perhaps he´d ask for her on his next visit. She´d gain a popular, and likely coveted (he´s low maintenance, after all) regular.
Except…
I´m not making excuses for her, really. Just considering the possibilities. Not to mention, there´s big difference between the mindset of an independent, senior male like yourself and that of a young, female employee when it comes to what is acceptable and the compromises we make.
Hey, I´ve been called a ´judgemental bitch´ more than once. It´s the Capricorn in me, I think. But I don´t see much of a point in decrying the woman as low-rent, unskilled, desperate for money, or what have you. Irresponsible, yes. She took on a scene she couldn´t or didn´t know how to control safely. But I´ve witnessed what passes for ¨training¨at a couple (Nutcracker included)and I really can´t lay too much blame on the girl.
Another point: and I´m just guessing here, but I´m pretty sure Nut´s standard night rate was around $160-180/hr, of which the Mistress probably got $60-70. If the House worked out a deal with this client, I could totally see the Mistress getting half and the house taking half. (Remember what I said about his low-maintenance meaning she´d still be available for other sessions?) So a $10-20 cut is a small concession if you´re looking at a bigger picture of maybe this guy becoming your regular, you know?
I´m really glad to be talking about this. Thanks for your comments. Everyone.
“I think the big fuck up here is just you don´t tie off parts that can´t hang on their own to overhead points. She didn´t know that — possibly cause it wasn´t part of his house nickname”
Haha. Ha. Made my day. Thanks!
Miss Orleans,
You are actually agreeing with me, methinks. The reason why a high-level Domme, already in full bloom or still in training, accepts below par remuneration for one reason: to learn. That is what singles out top-level professionals in all areas. That is why, even when you were “only” or “still” a beginner, you were already Troy Orleans. Because you were intent on learning, and preferably from the best.
Is that what this Domme did? Hardly. But you hit what she did on the nail when you spoke of a “mind-blowing session”. She did indeed blow his mind. His whole brain, actually. Almost for good, too…:-)))
Miss Orleans,
Having read all of these, and other, exchanges about this accident, I realize that there is one thought that’s implied, but not stated. We are all very fortunate to be doing often extremely dangerous things with very caring and skilled Dommes. After every experience we leave glowing (and in my case babbling endlessly) about how great it was. Now I realize that at least part of the babble should be gratitude about how safe it was considering all the things that were tied and hung and inserted, and everything came out OK in the end.
Thank you!
To be honest, the client had experience with it, as sorry as I am that he got hurt, he neglected his responsibility gravely!
I might sound like the most unsympathetic bitch ever, but I have seen too many clients that are passive aggressive and try and bully Dommes into things the Dommes are not ready for, it’s their little “thrill seeker kick”, now said Domme was there for what? A year? In terms of BDSM that’s nothing, if nobody pointed out the danger to her, the client and the others at the house mentioned he does that often, I can see how she fell into that trap.
I recall one client who wanted poppers and electricity – despite the fact that he had a very prominent scar on his chest and upon being seriously grilled admitted he has a pace maker…
It takes 2 to tango and it’s the responsibility of both!
Cheers,
Constanze