Many of you know I participate — with diminishing pleasure — on the MaxFisch discussion board. In fact, I hadn’t been posting here so much last week because I was busy tending to a very interesting discussion of the role of fantasy in a professional session. There were some rather thoughtful responses to my initial inquiry, particularly from knightwish, MVX, whizzer, and felicia. Worth reading it all, actually.
However, I also found myself in a bit of a heated exchange with another poster on a different thread. After I’d made a particularly snide reply to a poster who was positing that more professional dominatrices “should try nudity in their sessions” because it’s so “empowering,” I received a private message from an observer tsk tsking me for “losing my cool.” This wasn’t the first time I’ve been privately chastised by male participants for being aggressive? scornful? unladylike? on that board.
This is my blog, so I will vent here with snide, scornful, aggressive unladylikeness: Whatthefuck?!?
I am no goddess on a pedestal. I’m a woman. A grown ass woman, even. As a professional service provider dealing with a very specific public, I moderate my reactions constantly despite being frequently presented with statements or inquiries I find deeply offensive. So when I hit that tipping point, I fully reserve the right to call someone an asshat. I am not showing a lack of control when I do so, believe me. My reaction could have been much stronger.
It’s really just stunning to me how often men presume to tell me how I should behave, especially when they have no personal relationship with me whatsoever.
FWIW, you aren’t the only one who finds the forum to have less joy to it of late. The thread on nudity… I just stepped around it. After bothering to read another thread that I knew was insulting, I realized I came out of that feeling like I’d changed a child’s diapers and my keyboard was dirty.
Actually, they were adult diapers, but I’d really not rather talk about it without a qualified professional around.
*cries*
J/K 😛
Consider the source. If someone is trying to tell you how to conduct yourself they are clearly missing a few IQ points to begin with.
You touched on something I’ve been thinking about lately. You’re a dominant. But some of your “subs” might be dominant themselves, in every day life. Alphas aren’t given their power, they take it. An alpha wolf is totally dominant over the rest of the pack, including the ones that snarl and snap back. So if someone chastises you, or pushes back against your authority, they might be privately hoping that you’ll respond with a crushing show of force.
Female domes deal with men who in many cases are physically stronger than them, so they have to use the tools they’ve got (which are numerous, and effective)to force us into submission. I for one, would rather not roll over onto my back unless I’m made to. It’s because of the balls.
I heard you mention that one of your clients is a fighter, perhaps you’ve given this some thought?
The posts you refer to on Max feel to me like their authors are session bottoms who crave to escape that persona and establish that the real “them” is not that submissive, whimpering bottom, but some glorious dominant character. Which results in a Max behaviour (arrogant, vulgar, lecturing, posturing) 100% opposed to Scene conduct.
But the brave wannabee top only does this when protected from reality (and you!) by a computer screen and a nick…
Telling you how to behave! Pshaw!
extranormal, that’s an interesting and viable premise.
Sigh.
I just can’t be bothered to play those kinds of games, particularly with anonymous people. Let’s save the power games and pushes for in scene, ya know?
Pleeeze don’t stop posting on the Max board. After years of lurking I’ve just started. I love your writing, your smarts and your grown-ass-womaness. I really value your presence there as a new member and urge you to continue in spite of the problems. Really!