This ad was found on Craig’s List, of all places. I’ve been contemplating placing an ad on CL recently. Were I not such a pragmatist, this would be my ad.
My, how I love a man with a flair for the romantidramatic.
I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I’m willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, “Ahha, we meet again”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.
British accent preferred.
Mwahahahahaha. WANT!!!
There is no way a quality nemesis can be had for that sort of price over a six month period. I have known some world class nemesis individuals and I can assure you they work for a lot more money than that, especially the ones with British accents. I could put him in touch with a top flight nemesis with a Russian accent but it would cost more like $350/hour rather than $350/six months.
But to stop being overly literal…I can see a screenplay arising from this ad. I can see Sleepless in Seattle meets Fatal Attraction: Someone replies to his ad, money is sent via PayPal, the nemesis begins to nemeficate, things spin hopelessly out of control…
A very amusing craigslist ad! Thank you for sharing it.
I love to read funny, personal pieces like this- thank you for digging it up and posting.
I can relate very well to this fellow, though I need to back about 10 years. I can also advise him that he should be careful what he is wishing for ’cause when the tap opens up, it can build and build to the point where you’re underwater and wanting to place an ad for a friggin’ lifejacket…here goes..
Let me off this ride for a moment to catch my breath…puleeeeeeze.
I’m 45, about to be happily separated with two late teens who are seriously cutting their teeth in this very different world than I stepped out and into many years ago. I love my job because I work for myself- something that has TONS of risk/reward…my responsibility includes feeding mouths who are feeding mouths…what pressure, what good pressure.
I’d pay someone whatever I could scrum up to take my place for a day so I could do a day in mundaneville for a day and recuperate. Before you contact me and offer your services, read the damn job description carefully…as quitting mid-day is not an option:
– You’re in charge, but you need to take care of those that you seem to “report to”…be kind to the ex or expect to feel the pain, Mom/Dad don’t think you’re helping enough and if the kids call, and I mean if, be sure to address them first as it MUST be an emergency.
– Prioritize your meetings with the litany of (weasel) lawyers; best to start off with one who isn’t going to hurt your brain too bad and then close with one who appreciates your twisted humor enough to laugh and not charge you for the time.
– you’ll need to blow off some steam with a dominatrix-style personal trainer who is OK with you being a potty-mouth when you just can’t take any more of a beatdown (be forewarned that she’s pretty close to saying yes to your proposal for a formal session in her gym after hours)
– fire the client who’s least likely to sue you…the economy is making for some really weird customer behavior these days and since it’s your business and no one’s going to tell you that you can’t fire the client, just remember that damn contract you signed, including all legal-speak that tells you, you signed up for the deal and gave away most of your rights thinking it wasn’t possible to get to this ridiculous point.
Not to bitch though. I love my life and wouldn’t trade with anyone. I just want a mental break where everyone leaves me the fuck alone and I can be as bored the guy from Craigslist.
I’m sure in 10 years it’ll come full circle again…always does.
Hahahahahahaha!!!!
I want a nemesis.
I want to be a nemesis.
Damn.
While I’m at it, I want my own theme music too.
Shit that NO ONE can dance to. 🙂
@garrett: Now I just want to nemefec^H^Hicate. Har!