A friend and client of mine sent me this post I made on Max Fisch 3 1/2 years ago. I’m fascinated by how accurately those early goals I had exactly two years into my tenure reflect my present status. Focus much? Apparently…
Re: Domme goals…
03/26/06 11:58 PM
Looking back, what are some of your [BDSM-related] regrets? Are your current activities influenced by those regrets, or have you just “written them off”?
No major regrets. I mean, there are one or two client relationships that didn’t end on a positive note that kinda bug me but as such things relate (or don’t) to my current activities…naaaah, no so much.
What are some areas that you feel merit more attention on your part in the long term?
I wanna be really good at what I do, so I’m always looking to learn more. I want to fine tune my marketing/promotion so that I can attract the kinds of clients that make me happiest and spend less time marketing/promoting myself. I want to be more fiscally forward-looking, using this opportunity I have to lay a decent financial foundation for myself down the road. And, play-wise, I want to get better at drawing on different emotions in play: I tend to create very safe, psycho-emo-intense environments and I’d like to get better at things like fear, risk, edge and extreme.
Without “playing favorites” per se, is there a particular type of sub that would be useful in helping you fulfill some longer-term urge(s)?
If I could have ten variations of my Favorite Client, I would be one happy Mistress. Basically, my ultimate client goal is to have (don’t laugh, J.) 10-12 regular clients who I see 1-2x/mo. for a minimum of three hours and a max of overnight. They’d all be experienced players, fully embracing of their kink, and would be into some combination of bondage, sense dep, masochism, edge play (sharps, electrics, medical-grade insertables), humiliation, objectification, T&D, quasi public play, and chastity…as well as a couple of distinctive kinks that challenge my creativity and inspire me.
Bonus points if they make good dinner companions and/or play Scrabble.
What about the short term – if you only had 2 more weeks to do pro sessions, how would you spend that time…what would be your priorities?
Bondage. Lots of it. Suspension, immobilization, mummification, encasement, predicament, restrictive.
When I wasn’t doing bondage, I’d be doing implement driven corporal, heavy biting and GS.
Finally, are there any technical areas, lifestyle areas, etc. that you simply can’t see in your future? Things you might fantasize about, but you know aren’t really prudent for you?
I fantasize about having personals (e.g. houseboys) and collared boys, but I don’t think my life would really accommodate that well. I don’t see myself ever doing any kind of heavy D/s play…but I loooove to fantasize about it. I would love to have my own private studio space…it’s not totally out of the question but it is unlikely.
-Miss Orleans
As for how I’d answer these questions now? Hmmm.
- Looking back, what are some of your [BDSM-related] regrets? Are your current activities influenced by those regrets, or have you just “written them off”?
Eh, I’ve been burned a few times in the past three years and regret the vulnerability that allowed it, I suppose. But as far as my practice, I can’t say I have any major regrets. I’ve really been enjoying the people I see and the stuff we get to do together.
- What are some areas that you feel merit more attention on your part in the long term?
Balance. Always balance. I’ve been quite immersed in BDSM for the past five years. It’s really not unlike having a start up in terms of the hours put in, the focus and dedication, sweat equity, etc. Only thing missing is the liquidity event. Sigh. I’m working on trying to get a better balance between my kink life and life-life. I often say that there are only two kinds of jobs worth having: a job that you love, or a job that lets you do the things you love. I’ve been blessed to have both. But when work is play and play is work, I’m learning a third option (“living”?) is nice to have too.
- Without “playing favorites” per se, is there a particular type of sub that would be useful in helping you fulfill some longer-term urge(s)?
At various points I’ve had a personal play partner who’s been available “on demand” more or less when I’ve had a particular urge. I would like to have that kind of relationship with a client but clients, I’ve found, present too many limitations, availability in particular, which sours me immensely.
Recently I wanted to summon one because I had this overwhelming desire to punch someone in the face and blacken his eye. I’ve never done that before. There’s a lot of trust implicit in a summoning for such a thing. I’m not entirely sure I have the balls to do it even if I did. I’m also not sure how I feel about being the kind of player who could.
- What about the short term – if you only had 2 more weeks to do pro sessions, how would you spend that time…what would be your priorities?
Every afternoon, I would put someone in heavy, immobilizing, sense dep bondage and store him in the sleeping cage while I whipped someone else until our endorphins were pumping. Every evening I’d bind, gag, blindfold, and chastity lock someone else and then stick him in The Pound while my lover and I went out to dinner. We’d come back and fuck while I ignored the guy in the cage.
- Finally, are there any technical areas, lifestyle areas, etc. that you simply can’t see in your future? Things you might fantasize about, but you know aren’t really prudent for you?
While I’m certain any personal relationship I have would incorporate some D/s or SM or just definitely-not-vanilla good times, I feel like BDSM has enough presence in my life already for it to be a dominant element at home as well. Balance, again.
Were my participation in the BDSM scene to change, I could definitely see it being more a part of my personal life. I can’t imagine letting all this good gear go to waste. OH! Perish the thought!
Technically… you know, it’s interesting. I can’t think of anything technical off the top of my head that I definitely don’t want to do … except maybe hormone therapy for men who want a Mistress to help them become a woman. Yeah. Definitely not interested in that. On a more positive note, I’ve always been very conscious of measuring out my acquisition of certain technical skills. Some of it was out of a desire to have something to look forward to, to always have something new to learn. There are still plenty of things that interest me that I haven’t learned yet, such as scrotal inflation, ErosTek programming, realistic, military-style abduction and interrogation, and long tail bullwhipping. I’m looking forward to doing this for long enough that I’ll get to those things. Having a pretty awesome time with the all the stuff I already know, that’s for sure.
Check back with me in September 2012 and let’s see how I did.
Hi Troy, good stuff as usual, I love to check in and see what is going on with MTO… it killed me not to be able to read your blog… you are far to interesting to just be on twitter!!!
MTO,
You just keep refining all the good things you do. It’s a beautiful thing.
Your current short term description dovetails quite nicely with a certain vision I’ve been having lately. I’ll pass along a PM to tell you about it…and then maybe…well, who knows!!
Yours,
Whizzer
Pretty cool.
It hurts me to learn you have been burned because of your allowing yourself to be vulnerable but thats what makes you you. You are as genuine as they come and thats a good thing.
“At various points I’ve had a personal play partner who’s been available “on demand” more or less when I’ve had a particular urge. I would like to have that kind of relationship with a client but clients, I’ve found, present too many limitations, availability in particular, which sours me immensely.”
Sad but very true. For the clients as well.
“Recently I wanted to summon one because I had this overwhelming desire to punch someone in the face and blacken his eye. I’ve never done that before. There’s a lot of trust implicit in a summoning for such a thing. I’m not entirely sure I have the balls to do it even if I did. I’m also not sure how I feel about being the kind of player who could.”
Wow. Thats interesting. I like that. I do think you have the balls. Thats hot.
MTO;
Your wisdom sparkles with the passing of time, like a fine wine or a box of Rings Dings. Perhaps you should consider as a regular feature of this blog ‘The best of MTO”. It would be sort of copying Howard Stern where rather than coming up with something new, you just reprint some old stuff and take the day off. I’d call it “Classic Troy Orleans.”
You are right on the 10-12 regular clients idea. Few dommes really understand that. That’s why most don’t make any money. When you get a customer and make him a regular, you are golden. It cuts out all the time wasted on wankers.
@lee
Occasionally I definitely need more than 140 characters to express myself. Thanks!
@Whizzer
Part of why I’m able to make those refinements is because of having great people like you to play with that raise the bar.
@nordlang
Sigh. The burned thing is just Newton’s 3rd at work, you know? It is what it is. I think that vulnerability was really valuable to me in my development. While in some ways I’m striving to be more self-protective, I don’t ever want come from a place that doesn’t include my heart. If there’s no love in this — for the play, for the person — then what’s the effin’ point? Plenty of other ways to earn a living.
I do think the face punching is hot. I just re-read what I wrote and got all itchy to do it once again. Still haven’t. Volunteers?
@lmp
Maybe you’d volunteer for the face punching, eh? I got your Ring Ding right here, sucka.
In all seriousness, I have thought about re-posting some old stuff from MF but just … well … yeah. Haven’t. But one of the really neat things about having been such a prolific poster (relatively speaking … I’m a technical virgin compared to some folks there (though not you. You’re far more the blog slut compared to your time on the board) is that you can literally watch me grow up from baby domme to now.
While some may appreciate regulars for their financial reliability, I actually prefer having continuing relationships with my play partners because it enriches our play. Yes, the new-to-me men are dazzling little puzzles that I love figuring out, but I’m just as if not more rewarded by being able to chart the undiscovered countries of those more familiar to me. That level of trust, surrender, and respect is gorgeous and unique.
Oh, and about 5% of my time is spent on wankers. They’re really not even a factor in my practice at this point. Not entirely sure why, but I have my theories.