Was browsing around on my new iPad (YAY!) and found this article from the Boston Globe about how we enjoy vacations. Not only did I discover there’s a branch of science called "hedonic psychology" (what an awesome field! Reminds me of how I used "pleasure writer" to describe my freelance work), but it also may explain why my Orleans Experience — be it the original version or the Over Night Experience — is such a powerful way to play.
In a recent thread about overnight sessions on Max Fisch, Jesse Kang, headmistress of The Fortress NYC, postedthat her studio prefers to structure extended sessions not as overnights but as a series of sessions, spaced out over several days. Since Fortress operates as a House, I can see why it’d make better business sense to do multiple, short sessions during regular business hours, but I didn’t quite understand the psychological impact of such an arrangement until I read this vacation article.
The article suggests that when we look back on an experience, such as a vacation (or, in our case, a session) "what matters far more" in how we remember it "is the intensity of sensation, whether it’s excitement or pain or contentment." It goes on to say that "it’s not the overall average of the experience that people remember, but how they felt at the most intense moments."
It goes on to explain that "If you put a disruption in a hedonic experience, it intensifies it." This is what Jesse’s talking about and also why the OE/ONE is such an ideal way to play. Because an O(N)E, as I’ve structured it, is a fairly organic experience, there are often "disruptions" of a sort built in. Maybe it’s a meal break. Or time for a conversation. Or game. Or a "field trip" to a new setting. Sometimes those breaks are genuine breaks where we can relax and step completely away from the D/s or SM energy, sometimes there are physical incursions, such as bondage, electrics, chastity caging, remote vibrators, or pure psychological domination, going on … but it’s not like the levels are banging at 11 all the time. You have some space to recompose, refresh, breathe.
The studies cited in the article suggest that the length of a vacation (session) isn’t nearly as important as the intensity of the experience, "combined with how they felt right as the experience ended. Psychologists call this the ‘peak-end rule.’" My Basic Sessions are great by themselves because they create a discrete intensity, often culminating in an ecstatic peak.
But who doesn’t want to have multiple peaks whenever you can? For longer scenes, science indicates that it’s important to vary how one does things which, to me, is one of the sexiest things about OE/ONEs. My play partners tell me all the time how with most professional sessions, you eventually can intuit how long an hour or two hours or even three hours is, whether biorhythmically or just how a typical commercial session gets paced. We do the same thing when watching a movie. Some Mistresses also tend to have a fairly standard template for their sessions. Even if the sequence changes, the activities rarely do. What’s awesome about an OE though is that you don’t have that internal clock to guide you nor is there ever any idea of what’s going to happen next, even if you’ve been playing with me for years. Like in the Matrix, "There is no spoon," there is only the energy of the now that propels, sustains, and closes the scene. There’s nothing predictable about it. That variation, in sessions and in how we spend our leisure time, amps up the intensity, not only in how we experience it in the moment, but also in the pleasure with which we enjoy it upon reflection.
There’s another reason why sessions are comparable to vacations: The finding is a testament to the human tendency to procrastinate, in pleasure as in work. "Odd as it seems, people are often reluctant to take advantage of opportunities for pleasure that they do have, unless they’re in some way compelled," it says. "Seen this way, part of why we enjoy ourselves on a vacation stems from the fact that it gives us a deadline: an often sharply limited time window during which we have to go out and enjoy ourselves. […] If you realize this … you can give yourself some of the benefits of a vacation without going anywhere, simply by cordoning off a day or two and strictly scheduling it for leisure. […] Give yourself a milestone or a deadline by which you’re going to go do this enjoyable thing and you’ll actually enjoy yourself more often.”
Sounds like a great reason to schedule a session right now, dontcha think?
MTO,
Love the comparison of vacations and sessions.
Another aspect is the time and effort required in research so you don’t fall into a “tourist trap”. Sometimes the brochure can be so beautiful you just have to go, then upon arrival, or half way through, you realize the huge mistake you made.
I also love your reference to one’s internal clock. I think the lack of a known ending is one of the amazing aspects of your OE. Knowing you’re going to be put into some extreme bondage for an hour is fun, being put in the same bondage without knowing when you will be let out is amazing.
My situation is like living in the greatest city in the world, but it’s still nice to get away to see and experience other beautiful destinations.
MTO,
Great Post!
Love the last paragraph. We all have a tendancy to procrastinate and put off things to the last minute, especially if we view those acts as luxury, not necessity. How many of us never schedule a vacation because “I am too busy at work”. We all would agree that time off clears the head and brings priorities back into focus. I have always felt relaxed and rested for months after a great vacation/play session. Perhaps more time on vacation will be a good thing.
Troy,
Another great post. Reading some of the discussion on the forum about overnight and/or extended sessions was enlightening. It was a bit of a wake up call about the whole business aspect of being a prodomme – ala Jesse’s comments about creating the pattern of repeat sessions with the client and the desire to return. Most of all, I was pleasantly surprised to see she was putting such a business-minded view on the whole process.
Of course, having procrastinated for all of my life, this post was mostly a reminder that there’s no time like the present for self care. Even if that self-care means getting tied up and beat down!
I guess in that regard, you are doing good deeds, nourishing the souls of submissives and kinksters, helping them break away from the stress of every day life and taking them on a spiritual, emotional, and physical mini-vacation.
Suddenly, I just imagined you with a halo and wings!
I enjoyed the Boston Globe article and your post.
“Looking back, what matters far more is the intensity of sensation, whether it’s excitement or pain or contentment”
That rings true. I have had somewhere around 250 sessions. The ones I remember best are not necessarily the best sessions but rather the most intense. Sessions that were not very enjoyable at the time have stuck hard in my memory. They were either very intense or included something shocking and new to me. When I think about it, its the same with vacations. not so much unenjoyable vacations but vacations that were different, either in place, activity or the people I was with.
For me the notion that disruption of a “hedonic” experience is an intensifying factor rings strikingly true.
When I was actively sessioning I arranged a couple of month long, intermittent, session suites with well regarded dommes I’d seen before (one’s still practicing and the other I’m not sure). I’d developed “dungeon friendships” with both.
The sessions required a month of chastity on my part, upfront tribute to cover the experience, and then acceptance on my part that, armed with the knowledge of my “wish list”, I’d simply trust them to guide me.
By a long shot, these arrangments among were the most intense of my sessioning career.
And now I have a theoretical underpinning as to why that was.
Ain’t it true that ‘cha just learn a little sumpthin’ sumpthin’ new each every glorious day!
Cool post! Thanks.
@advo
I think extended chastity is always intense. So much so that it falls into “edgeplay” for me. I used to be really into chastity, but I’ve seen first hand how powerful it is for both of us that it’s really rare that I dig into it anymore. I got enough juju working as it is. Glad you enjoyed and gleaned something from the article. I felt the same way!
@buffalo
250?!?! Dang. That’s a lot.
When I read the article, that line about intensity rang true for me, too. I think intensity+novelty is the magic combo.
@jeffrey
Well, what makes a pro a pro is that domination is her business (and, often, her pleasure). I have a lot of respect for the women who work in domination who respect their business. Those are the women who give the man who wants to explore this in a safe, sane, and still powerful way, a place to go. It’s no minor feat.
For now, I’ll pass on the halo. But the wings I’ll take. Makes it a lot easier when it comes to choosing footwear.
@laughing
Never underestimate the power and value of taking time for yourself.
@nofear
Ha! Oh, those tourist traps!
Love your last line. You’re a lucky, lucky man.