Someone I’d only seen a couple of times before — and one of those times was back in my babydomme days at Luxuria — contacted me about a bondage-centric OE. From his emails, it was obvious he was in a fevered, ravenous state. Ultra restrictive bondage! Abandonment! What’s the longest we can play?!!?!!
Aww, puppy. So cute.
With all the gear I have and because it’s a specialty of mine, “restrictive bondage” at Salon d’Orleans is pretty serious business. Even hardcore bondage players find their limits challenged in my studio. I thought about trying to manage his expectations (of himself, not me) via email prior to the session but didn’t want to come off as a buzzkill. Besides, when someone’s all revved up and fixated like that, they never listen to me anyway. If I have a point to make, experience has proved it’s far easier and more effective for me to show, not tell.
So in he comes, all a-bounce. We talk about constriction (being held tight, e.g. mummification) vs restriction (being restrained, e.g. 4-pt cuff bondage ) and while we’re chatting, I grab a 30’ft hank of rope and bind him to his seat. Legs cuffed and pulled back, a couple passes round his chest, wrists cuffed and pulled down. He’s still dressed. This is a very light warm up. We keep talking.
I didn’t really have a plan for our afternoon, other than thinking that since he seemed so hungry and wanted to stay awhile, I should vary the positions to keep things interesting. Possible positions… hmm. Standing. Kneeling. Sitting. Lying down. Ok. Sure. It’s a plan.
So first thing I do is put him in the spandex body bag with internal arm sleeves and then maneuver him into the hanging strap cage. 
A lot like this (see pic to the R), but with a traditional posture collar instead of the leather neck corset. While I check my email, tinker around the studio I let him hang out relatively unmolested — well, except for the nipple tweaks — for about 45 minutes before shifting him from the vertical suspension to a face up, horizontal position. The change makes the posture collar really uncomfortable and he asks for it to be removed. “Sure,” I say, and take it off. He hangs out there a while longer, endures some mild CBT mixed with vibe play. La la la.
I take him out of the bondage and in short order, he’s sent into The Pound wearing padded fist mitts, knee pads, and an electric humbler. My thought was after the constriction of the strapcage, a little restrictive bondage would be … refreshing. “Move all you want,” I told him. “Or at least as much as you can.” (I smiled pretty big right there. I love this stuff.) Once his wrists and knees collapsed, he managed to organize himself onto his back. “You look comfy now!” I told him. “Here. Let me help.” I cranked up the count on the ErosTek controlling the humbler. He wailed. Said the M-word even. “Oh, honey,” I reminded him. “You don’t have a safeword! I don’t use them. ‘Mercy’ means nothing here.” You might as well say “mayonnaise.” He suffers a little longer and then I move him over to my amazing Metalbound bondage chair.
Time for more constriction.
Humbler comes off. Fist mitts stay on. I put this fuckball thing underneath him (see pic, L) 
and try to get the attachment inside. It’s not going in. I order him to his knees to try again. He complies. I shove. He screams. There’s a babble of “No! No! I can’t! It’s too much! No!”
“Shh!” I tell him, rubbing his back a little. “Baby, it’s already in. You did it. You’re fine. Breathe.”
“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”
I breathe. This is the moment that often happens for a domme. Do you push? Or relent? When he asked me to remove the posture collar it wasn’t a big deal. He’d struggled with a couple of gags too and I just calmly changed them. Now he had this plug inside him and while I knew he could probably warm up to it, I had to decide whether to push… or relent.
I can’t explain the math that when into my decision to switch out the plug for a smaller one any more than I can tell you how I decided to orchestrate and sequence the scene that day as I did. I suppose it was just more important to me to get the bondage exactly as I wanted it than make him take some plug. I get him seated and bound: leather straps pinning his shoulders, mid chest, abdomen, thighs, and calves. The fist mitts are pinned. His head is tethered by a nose hook attached to rubber tubing stretched behind him. Rubber tubing also tugs his balls downward. Then he tells me he could probably take the bigger plug now, if I wanted him to. “Only the tip feels like it’s in now,” he told me. “Well, it IS smaller,” I said. To change it would be too much anyway, so I leave it all as is and lean back in my chair, resting my bare feet on his crotch while I dally about some more on my laptop.
He’d been in the chair for less than an hour — and less than five hours into the scene — when he informs me that he’s hit a wall and needs to stop. “I guess my eyes are bigger than my stomach,” he says a little sheepishly. I smile all too knowingly and set him free.
*****
Afterwards, we’re talking. He brings up the plug. I said that maybe if I were more familiar with him, I would have made him go through with the first plug, but at this stage, I didn’t feel the need to push him. He wondered how he would have reacted if I had. “It really felt like something was breaking down there,” he told me.
“It wasn’t,” I assured him. “I knew you were fine, that it was more startling and overwhelming than anything. If I knew *you* better, maybe I’d have made you take it, but since I didn’t, I didn’t see any need to push.”
We started talking about what it means to be pushed or forced into something. I’m generally not the type for force-play. For the most part, I take the stance of “I lead, you follow” and if you can’t handle where I’m going, that’s cool. We’ll get there eventually, anyway.
Occasionally this idea of forcing comes up in Max Fisch discussions, with a lot of talk of “forced” bi and “forced” showers, which to me always seem more consensual non-consensual play at best and more often just a bunch of bullshit headgames. My friend Aarkey, however, gave one of the best examples of forced play I’ve heard. He suggested that if someone is engaging in a consensual activity — he used crossdressing as an example — and hit a wall where it stopped being sexy or fun or desirable and was just … unbearable, say … that being forced to continue whatever it was that had been desired but was no longer … THAT was the serious stuff.
This fascinates me. For, um, obvious reasons, it’s a super hard place to get to in my practice. That place where it’s, like, “You’re going to do this. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I don’t care if your dick goes soft. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you’re walking out. Try. You’re still taking it.” It kinda happened once, but I never quite felt like he *really* wanted it to stop. As the Top, I have to figure out what protestations are real and which ones are simply resistance. I wonder what it’d be like to push someone past his limit and then bring him back out on the other side to acceptance…or even love. Would that process even be fulfilling for me?
MTO,
That was like a quickiesnewyork for me, yum.
@nofear
Like Quickies?!? Talk about high praise! Thanks!
@heellvr
Maybe I wasn’t clear. There’s a difference between turning someone’s hard limit into a desire and pushing someone past a limitation. I’ve guided people past what they thought were hard limits — e.g. “No golden showers” — many times. It’s very rewarding and wonderful. So many of our “hard limits” are just mental blocks we set up ourselves anyway. Trust, confidence, connection make for wall busters, after all.
What I’m curious about is, like in the example I gave, making him take that larger plug even as he’s screaming how much it hurts. Or taking someone who’s not really into bondage, putting him in a heavy constriction rigging that’s so demanding he’s fighting heat, claustrophobia, muscle spasms, etc. and forcing him to stay in it until he accepts it. THAT’S the thing that gets the long, low, awed “fffuuuuuuck?!?!” from me.
@slavejohnl
First of all, we don’t know each other well, but you should know enough about me to realize that I’m never going to indulge that “my purpose is to worship, obey, and please you” talk. If that’s your headspace, fine. But that’s not a tool I’m going to use on you. Compassion and control, yes. A sense of expectation and reciprocity, yes. My belief in what you’re capable of, yes. But “worship”? C’mon. We’re both grownups.
When it comes to play, I never try to give anyone more than they can handle — mentally, physically … not mechanically (e.g. an incompatible gag or collar) — and I’m usually a great judge at figuring out what that line is. It’s merely a matter of you believing in yourself as much as I do.
MTO,
Given the right circumstances I think you would find great fulfillment and gratification in pushing someone past a limit. It must be quite an experience to see a bottom’s one time taboo turn from fear into desire. I have yet to see or hit that “wall” you mention but I know it is there. The only question I have is will I have the courage to follow when it is my turn?
michael
I’m glad you posted about our session… I think your comments are on point. It is all about trust, and its true we have relatively limited experience playing together. It’s not that I didn’t trust you, but maybe needed to be reminded, or have it reinforced at that point in the session….being reminded of the fact that I can trust you, and the fact that my purpose is to worship, obey, and please you, should have refocused me at that point in the session where I felt I was at my breaking point. The compassion you demonstrated nonetheless only served to increase my trust in you. Now I want to try that much harder to work through my fears and push my limits…a step back, to take a step forward.
I hope we’ll get a chance to play together again soon….and longer… and that you can push me and bring me back on the other side…..next time
slave john l
This has to have been the hottest blog post in the history of blogging. I loved this description of a session and what went through your mind during a critical part. Fascinating and wicked hot!
From my experience, having something too big inserted too fast into my anus doesn’t just hurt, it feels like I’m being ripped open. It is like a panic attack, where I feel my existence is being threatened. An overreaction? Sure, you bet, but tell that to the lizard part of my brain at the time. Could I power past it? I don’t know, but I never have, even it my private experiments.
We all have to understand that the interplay between a domme and a sub, especially those who play at a serious level, isn’t well-charted territory. There are no maps or guides or plug-and-play answers, it is all judgement. Which is why a sub should choose a domme whose judgement, sensitivity, perception and compassion are well developed. Compassion? Yes, compassion, because a domme can easily force one to do something just because she can or she said she would. It takes a confident domme to change course without fear of losing control of the journey.
BTW, for me, phrases in a session like “You look comfy now!” I told him. “Here. Let me help.” or “Shh!” I tell him, rubbing his back a little. “Baby, it’s already in. You did it. You’re fine. Breathe.” are so, so very hot, the stuff I dream about. Compassionate, understanding words that contrast the action.
Stunning post!
@downlow
Sometimes y’all react in ways I least expected to these things. The whole “hotness” quotient never occurred to me. The scene description was really, in my head, just a means to the end of 1) describing how I orchestrate a scene (I found myself after trying to explain to him how I hadn’t really planned any of the scene other than varying positions before we started and was fascinated by how sound my instincts were) and 2) talking about this idea of forced play, because that’s what’s really hot for me. Bondage is what I do. This forcing limitations thing is uncharted territory.
As a woman, I’m familiar with penetration (The line, “Baby, it’s already in” was actually first said in response to a protesting me years ago. I took it.) and I know how “OW!” can transform into “Ohh!” so I’m not as inclined to be sympathetic about such things from a purely physical standpoint. That said, it’s like, penetration just really isn’t my ‘thing’ as a domme, you know? So I’m just not terribly invested in it, fundamentally. I *was* invested in the idea that there was something going on in that area while he was bound, and the more intense the better, but there wasn’t anything for either one of us to prove.
I run into roadblocks all the time during a scene which is why I avoid overplanning or getting my heart set on any particular outcome/element/activity. You just never know and having an expectation I’m invested in and then being disappointed bothers me so much, I’ve learned it’s just more fun for everyone to just be able to roll with it. Besides, the nice thing about having “everything” is that whatever roadblock you throw, I’ve got a counterpunch. Heh.
Glad you liked the post!
@sherulz
Actually, there was very little advance planning that went into it at all. It was almost all just instinct, going with the flow. I suppose I had “expectations” in that I expected him to be able to get into each rigging, but I didn’t really expect that he’d outlast me. In fact I was certain he wouldn’t.
Your mummification scene sounds great. I don’t think I’ve ever mummified anyone where they could still move though. I wish I could do a scene like that but for all my improv, I just know when I had to think of things for him to do, I would come up sooo blank. The thought makes me giggle.
MTO,
Wow great scene. Very hot and loved all the planning/thoughts that went into constructing it. ‘less than five hours into the scene’ – doesn’t sound like he wimped out very early at all – just sounds like an intense scene and you delivered much more than many give. Also Sounds more like you had huge expectations which is amazing to hear about. And you gauged the situation perfectly. Most definitely makes me want to try a similar scene (but would be sure not to get expectations so high just in case). BTW, i did do this amazing plastic wrap mummification scene where i was told to do all kinds of things – but could barely move. Had to be the hardest and most torturous thing i’ve ever been asked to do. Climb the stairs, serve a drink, masturbate – but did make the extra attempt to see/show what was possible in that predicament and enjoyed the final falling over.. but hey that took only an hour for total exhaustion 😉
Wow. Another great thought provoking blog post that hits home but I am not sure how to say what I want. So I am going to be as honest as I can and just start. If this was written by someone I did not know it would not feel so personal and my response might be different but since I am obviously a big MTO fan and session with you I can’t separate out the personal connection when trying to respond.
I trust you like no other and when I session with you I feel so safe which is why I have gone along with some of the wild stuff you have done. I truly wish I was into bondage the way you are and feel badly that I am not. I still think a lot about the one session we had not long ago which we ended prematurely. Reading your blog post , that session , while far far less extreme, seems very similar to the dynamic you describe above with the fuckball attachment (nice toy by the way). Like your client above I was truly uncomfortable and glad you ended it but I still feel guilt about it and feel like I whimped out. You were very good about it but it still feel like I let you down. Could I have endured more? At the time it felt like no but looking back probably yes. Would I have finally settled into all of what you were doing? I kind of doubt it but I don’t know. Reading your words above “: “You’re going to do this. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I don’t care if your dick goes soft. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you’re walking out. Try. You’re still taking it.” I think I might have just taken a deep breath and trusted you like I always do and just resigned myself to more torture. It is indeed a tough calculation to make: when to push through, when enough is enough, how is the bottom really feeling, can the panic in the brain be quieted, is it just drama? I remember 2 sessions I had with a certain domme long ago in which I got nothing I wanted except alot of pain and she was relentless. Ignored my screams, told me I was getting what I wanted which was pain without marks. I didn’t enjoy the sessions and didn’t go back for a third but I still remember them fairly well. You are right – it is a fascinating subject.
” I wonder what it’d be like to push someone past his limit and then bring him back out on the other side to acceptance…or even love. ” That is intense.
“Would that process even be fulfilling for me?” So what do you think the answer is?
very entertaining post. you write well, and have a perfect disposition for great bondage scenes
Ah, the kool-aid that is Troy Orleans! We all just keep coming back for more. Great post.
Best,
Whizzer
MTO,
I thought I understood your point the first time but now that you added this clarification I am a puddle……………..
“Or taking someone who’s not really into bondage, putting him in a heavy constriction rigging that’s so demanding he’s fighting heat, claustrophobia, muscle spasms, etc. and forcing him to stay in it until he accepts it. THAT’S the thing that gets the long, low, awed “fffuuuuuuck?!?!” from me.”
You really know how to sweep a guy off his feet I can tell you that… All I could do was grunt and scream YES when I read this for the first time. Your additional comment about trust, confidence and connection is right on point too. Without these it would be difficult for anyone to follow.
I guess I was unclear because I was trying to answer your question of whether you would find pushing someone like this fulfilling. In my opinion yes. In fact I think you probably have helped many of us to crawl past limits, hard ones or just mental blocks. I get the impression that you may not be trying to push but rather that some instinct takes over and you just run with it.
All in all, a great post, great comments and great feedback, Thanks Miss Troy!
m
Let’s be clear…as the guy who’s balls were being stretched beyond all tolerance in the scene where you say it “almost” happened, I can assure you, 100%, that I REALLY REALLY did want you to stop then. In fact, I wanted you to stop BEFORE then, and I never would have lost my shit and cursed like that if I was anything less than completely beyond my endurance limit. Having said that, I must admit that nothing that i’ve ever experienced before or since has been more intense than the way you kept going…I feel as though even after you sent me on my way at the end of that day, I left a piece of my soul behind, attached to one of your chains.
Oh my… where to begin.
Well, perhaps by saying how excited I got seeing my name up there in links! 🙂
It looks pretty good in links, if I may say so myself! 😛
Next, I have to admit that he post and the exchange of comments just makes me all gushy. Pushing the boundaries… pushing the buttons… MTO, you gently run your finger around a button and let them know that they belong in.
*sigh*
My belt is tight… anyone else?
One last thing, I’m curious if “Troyboy” is glad he left his soul behind? I know that a few experiences I’ve gone through that were absolutely overwhelming were some of my favorites in hindsight.
Glad? I’m glad that there is someone in the world who has the ability and willingness to reach down so far inside me and stir me. It is chilling and thrilling to know that she is capable of not using that power “for good.” But as far as being “glad” about leaving a piece of soul behind, I don’t feel as though I have the ability or the “standing” to be glad or not…Troy owns that little piece of me. Whether i like it or not seems to be a question I shouldn’t be asking, since i can’t do anything about it, and even if i could, that kind of connection is sacred. Forming a judgment about it sounds profane. The good news is that I don’t need to judge it. I just react. whenever she tugs my chain.
@troyboy
Every time I reach into you, I’m fascinated by the viscera that comes out.
Now, about that chain ….
@aarkey
You know I really like getting you excited. Especially when there’s a chance you’re belted. 😉 Thanks for being so quotable!
@heellvr
You wrote “I get the impression that you may not be trying to push but rather that some instinct takes over and you just run with it.”
And I think you are spot on point with that. In fact, I’d say some of my best sessions are the ones where my brain gets out of the way and I just go on pure instinct and impulse. It’s wild when that happens. But ultra-hot.