Ask MTO: Day Dreams

Got a burning question? Something BDSM-related that you’ve always wondered about or perhaps something you’ve wanted to ask me but wasn’t quite sure how? Now’s your chance. You can email me directly (AskMTO at TroyOrleans dotcom) or, if you prefer, ask me anonymously over on Formspring. I’ll pick the ones that most interest me and answer them here.

Obviously, any sub would love to spend a day in the Pound, but what does that do for you? I think too much of me would fixate on “Is she getting bored?” to really enjoy it for myself.

The idea of extended bondage and, based on my limited experience with actual extended bondage play — e.g. held captive in The Pound or fixed/suspended in a body bag with little to no interaction or active “play” with me — is so exciting and compelling and so the opposite of boring! For one, I’m paying way more attention to you when I’m not actually touching/interacting with you. It’s so much more psychological! “Is he ok? Is he sleeping? Bored?” “I want to touch him! I can’t! I have to ignore him!” “How long do I leave him there? Ok. He’s begging to be let out? Do I? Now? How about now? Not yet?!”

So that’s my brain. But what you see (assuming you’re not hooded) is me doing my email or drinking tea or tidying the dungeon and acting like you’re the LAST thing on my mind.

I don’t know how to convey how much “Is she getting bored” is not a thing you should worry about with me for even a second. If I could have a man in my Pound for 4+ hours, “bored” is the last thing I’d be.

I imagine some subs are always asking for more….longer sessions,tighter,more cruel bondage,more intense CP or electoplay etc etc. Is this an issue for you?How do you manage expectations and avoid scenes where a sub “bites off more than he can chew”?

I dunno. I feel like I can read most of my play partners well enough that they trust me to know how much they can take, how far to push them. One of the great advantages of the Orleans Experience is that the scene can last pretty much as long as we’re both standing, so a play partner that thinks he’s ready for “longer sessions” can easily get them. Occasionally a man will tell me that I haven’t been pushing him hard enough or that he wants “more.” Sometimes the challenge for me then is not to come at him like I’ve got a point to prove but just turn up the intensity enough that we can both enjoy the new territory…and even stay a while.

If anything, the “heavier play” requests come mostly from people who’ve never actually played with me. They’ve got this fantasy in their head — probably from watching some of the ridiculous Clips4Sale vids — that they’re gonna be super sub and just tortured to within an inch of their lives. But that’s just not the way it works in real life. How I manage that is by talking to them straight about fantasy vs reality, asking them enough questions about their experience so they can start to understand for themselves what level they’re ready for.

It’s my responsibility as the Top/Domme to control the scene so that my play partner is genuinely challenged but not allowed to fail. Say the fella in the previous question tells me he wants to spend “all day” in The Pound. Maybe I’ll suggest six hours with option to extend. Maybe I’ll suggest four hours, but I’ll have him in additional bondage/rigging in the cage that will make those four hours feel a lot longer. Maybe I’ll keep him in The Pound for five hours and then move him to the sleeping cage/bondage bed/sleepsack for another three hours. The key for me is paying close enough attention to him during the scene so I have a sense of what he can do (which is likely different from what he’s saying he can/not do at any given point) and staying flexible enough so that we can take the scene wherever it needs to go.