Ask MTO: The Future is Now

Got a burning question? Something BDSM-related that you’ve always wondered about or perhaps something you’ve wanted to ask me but wasn’t quite sure how? Now’s your chance. You can email me directly (AskMTO at TroyOrleans dotcom) or, if you prefer, ask me anonymously over on Formspring. I’ll pick the ones that most interest me and answer them here.

Where do you see your journey taking you over the next ten years? You’ve been at this a while now, is it a lifelong undertaking, or will you continue to evolve and grow?

I’d like to think I’ll continue to evolve and grow whether I stay in domination or not. Ten years is a long time. Given that I started domming with the idea I’d only do it for six weeks — which has turned into eight years and counting — I wouldn’t trust any predictions I make about how long I’ll keep doing it. That said, I still love my practice and, after a bit of burnout two years ago, I now find myself refreshed, inspired, and in a good place of balance.

One of the things that’s helped has been diversifying my activities in and outside of the studio. I’ve been selectively renting space in my studio to a few traveling friends as well as one or two low-profile local dommes, which has been good for me in that I get to have a little more interaction with interesting, talented Mistresses instead of being as isolated as I had been. I’ve also been teaching a few private classes, which has been really invigorating and affirming: I’m surprising myself with how much I know! In the past year I’ve taken on a new vanilla project that’s fun, challenging, has potential, and incorporates something I really love. It occupies just enough of my time to be a welcome diversion without really being a “job” or interfering with my BDSM practice. I think that’s key. Seems a lot of women in this business burn out because this is all they do. 24/7 is a much better and more sustainable fantasy than reality.

At the moment, it’s not that I see domination as a “lifelong undertaking” so much as I don’t see any real reason to stop, other than the expense. Maintaining a quality Manhattan studio in a safe, accessible, premium neighborhood is NOT cheap: my annual rent equals some people’s starting salary! If rent were less of a factor, I could see maintaining my practice indefinitely, certainly for select play partners, no matter where the rest of my life takes me. I love this. I love the men who surrender to me. Why wouldn’t I want to keep this in my life? It’s fucking awesome.

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MTO, I’ve noticed in several of your recent posts you mentioned some of the teaching and mentoring you’ve been doing. At the same time, your good friend Mistress Crimson has blogged about several workshops she’s been heading up in Chicago – mostly dealing with beginners. That kind of raises the question: What are the chances of the two of you teaming up here in NYC and putting on a workshop for the interested but uninformed? Seems like an incredible Win-Win!!

Well, yes. Yes it does. My only hesitation with teaching public classes in NYC is that I have absolutely no desire to have a “public” profile. It’s one thing to advertise within the scene — Eros, my website, Max, etc. — and quite another to be all “THE LEARNING ANNEX PRESENTS: NYC DOMINATRIX TROY ORLEANS!!!!” in your subway station newsbox. Seems like far more risk than reward. Maybe the solution is to promote “public” class on FetLife. But I don’t do FetLife. Maybe Crimson can show me.

The other thing I think about as far as “beginner” classes is that I don’t have much of a…filter? for what’s “beginner” or “too kinky for the Whole Foods customer.” There’s rice and there’s stew, but it’s all the same gumbo to me, y’know? I might scar/e folks. Like, I’ve been reading That Book (it’s like fucking homework slogging through that poorly written mess) and keep wondering where the BDSM is. Kindle says I’m 84% through yet all I’ve seen are a couple of spankings, restrained wrists, period sex, and …ooh! kegel balls. Holy crap! My inner goddess’ eyes are rolling. Isn’t all that what vanilla people do on a Monday at this point?

That said, I love the idea of teaching couples how to (re)connect via kink but there’s still the dilemma of how to advertise/market such an offering while, again, not stepping too far into vanilla territory. What I really need is some influential tastemaker to take a class with me and then refer me to all his/her friends, I think. Word of mouth. Mmmm. Tasty.